Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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