how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize