It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
