Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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