please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
