Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
There's always time for handjobs
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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