He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
