so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
