you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize