You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
