we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
