just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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