Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
