im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
