3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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