Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
