So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
