Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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