btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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