me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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