He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Let's paint friendship bongs
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
