I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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