I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
