it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
