i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
