Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
