Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
