HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
