I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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