hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
