Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
