I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
smell my finger.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
