Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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