Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
