So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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