One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
