My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Terrible idea I love it
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
