I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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