I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
