i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
