I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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