Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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