At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
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we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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