I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
