Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
