I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
