Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
no you cant smoke seaweed
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
