I am puke
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
