You made me cry and you don't even care
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
