Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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