Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
