I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
