Duck Duck Cougar?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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