too bad you live with your parents still
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
