your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
