So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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