Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
only if we run a train.
done.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
