Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
