Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
