Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
