so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
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I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
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Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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