Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize