yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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