Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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